Helpless

"You, Lord, are good, and ready to forgive, and abundant in mercy to all those who call upon you. " Psalm 86:5

Forgiveness. I will be honest. I don't know how to. Not when it comes to the really dirty sins. Yes sin is sin; not one is greater than another, but I'm referring to the ones that cause internal damage. I'm talking about the ones that REALLY cause pain and suffering whether that be emotionally and spiritually or physically. God is capable of forgiveness. He says that he still loves us and forgives us even when we mess up, but he also tells us not to do it again. And when we do it again, he still forgives us. I have a problem with that second part. I have a problem with forgiving someone for the same offense. When a person messes up and actually apologizes, I expect it to not happen again. I expect sincerity. To me that's what saying sorry means. Do I commit the same sins on more than one occassion? Most definitely. Do I cause harm to another individual a second time after already apologizing? I'm not sure I have. I've committed little sins numerous times. I'm not sure about those big ones. I have a hard time when it comes to forgiveness.

God does it. But I'm not sure how yet. So God, teach me. I know that is dangerous to say. I know I have to dig down deep into the pain and hurt I have felt in order to let go and find forgiveness. It's between you and me God. I'm scared. I'm terrified. But I need to learn. You are my Teacher.

I'm building a stronger (MUCH NEEDED) foundation in the Lord. I'm learning a lot. I'm ignorant about much. And I'm arrogant about a lot as well. I'm learning. I'm growing. And I'm eager for what lies ahead.