If I'm going to be Honest,

God, I don't want to listen to you. I don't want to consume myself into your word because I don't want to see what you want me to see. You'll show me what I need to change. You'll show me that YOUR way is the way. You are the way, the truth and the life. I want truth, I need you. I want to know where to go, I need you. I like being in charge God, so excuse me while I throw a temper tantrum about not getting my way. That's what I am doing right now, I'm throwing a temper tantrum. I'm not kicking and screaming anymore though. I've gone into what I like to call "pretend remorse" mode. You know when you're younger and you get in trouble, sometimes if you smiled really big or you had a few big tears slide down your cheek, you'd get out of trouble. That's what I'm doing right now. I'm taking the more passive approach with you God. If I say I'll be better will you just let me be? Will you let me do things the way I want? I'll be mostly good, and I won't purposely go out of my way to mess up?

Okay, in reality, God is laughing at me. He's pointing his finger and showing St. Peter what's going on down here. He's not laughing too hard though because his other arm is reaching. He's reaching for me because he wants to help. He wants me to give Him control. God, if I'm going to be honest, I don't know how to do that. AND I'm scared to do it if I figure out how. I like certain aspects of my life. I want them to go the way I want them to. I don't want your plans to be different.

This is me being real.
I like having control.
It's hard to give it to you God.